Restoring Friendship: an example of coaching + therapy

Since Conflict Relief Coaching often touches on emotional subject matter, it is sometimes confused with therapy. Rebecca (not her real name) has graciously written her story with permission to share, to help illustrate the value of coaching and the recognition of its limits (when turning to therapy is the right choice).

Feeling Stuck in Conflict

In the middle of a painful conflict with close friends, I felt deeply frustrated and stuck. I didn’t want to lose our friendship, but every attempt to explain myself seemed to make things worse. My friends didn’t seem to hear or understand me. Their interpretations didn’t match my feelings or intentions, which just made me more frustrated. We were caught in a cycle I couldn’t break.

Reaching Out for Help

That’s when I turned to Conflict Relief Coaching. My goal was simple: to be heard and understood—and, hopefully, to restore our friendship. I knew that relationships are two-way, and that I probably had blind spots, too. I wanted new insight, but first, I needed a space where I could be fully understood.

Discovering What Was Underneath

As my coach listened without judgment, I began uncovering layers beneath my frustration, like my deep yearning for care and acceptance. Between sessions, I journaled, walked, and reflected. These simple practices helped me process my emotions and begin to see my role in the conflict more clearly.

Seeing a New Perspective

After receiving empathy from my coach, I was more willing to look at what was important to my friends. Why were we stuck in this painful cycle?

I started reviewing past conversations, and I found myself bristling all over again. So I paused. I remembered the distinction I had learned between needs (like support) and strategies (like doing something specific to demonstrate support). 

When I thought about their strategies, concerns immediately came to mind. (“Yes, but…”)  When I thought about their needs, I got in touch with how important it was to me to support my friends.

When my coach and I role-played, we explored what my friends might need and held their needs together with mine. New possibilities emerged, bringing hope that my friends and I could find a way forward that worked for everyone.

A New Way of Showing Up

I was nervous when I met my friends to talk things over. I wasn’t sure how it would go, but I knew I wanted to try my best. It was a huge relief to see they did, too. 

We truly listened to each other, and what I discovered surprised me: they were most upset about something I hadn’t even realized I was doing—a behavior I’d worked on in therapy years ago. 

It was easy to apologize sincerely, and my friends responded with warmth and understanding. By the end of the day, the tension had lifted and our friendship felt restored.

The Value of Coaching (and Knowing Its Limits)

Conflict relief coaching helped me reconnect—with my friends, and with myself. 

I also realized the intensity of my frustration came from deeper pain that still gets triggered quickly. Since that kind of healing is outside the scope of coaching—and I don’t want those triggers to affect my friendships—I’m motivated to return to therapy.